I would really like to learn how to tackle homework with love. Why can't you just go straight to hugs and support that way? Why do we have to have the peak chaos moment? I went deep on the thought of anger is a result of fear. So what am I fearful about? What are your fears when you are angry? Where can you be less angry and more loving?
I would really like to learn how to tackle homework with love. Why can't you just go straight to hugs and support that way? Why do we have to have the peak chaos moment? I went deep on the thought of anger is a result of fear. So what am I fearful about? What are your fears when you are angry? Where can you be less angry and more loving?
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Transcript: Mischa Z: 00:01 Covert, anger part five. How amazing is this that this is just turning into a, we could almost call it a series, perhaps this is going to turn into a, well. Maybe we'll get her done in episode five, but covert anger slash subversive anger. And again, um, my, my justifiable anger, or a quote that I love is "anger is the dubious luxury of normal men". Some people can afford to be angry and it does not affect them. Or perhaps their relationships. Me, it is a luxury I cannot afford. And the universe squeezes me. Like if, as I am on a growth trajectory, bad habits get squoze out of me. And sometimes that's uncomfortable and painful. And those are, again, this is not to place judgment on anybody else. It's just, and not even myself just to talk about my own experience. So, um, I can have anger issues that are justifiable because they don't seem extreme to me. And for me, it culminated in. Um, and so there's the subversive side of it where it's subversive. I'm subverting, or I'm doing damage to personal relationships. They're probably they're not as clean and yummy as they could be.
Mischa Z: 02:07 The more I have love in my relationships the better. So, um, last episode I was getting to the point where the peak for me was fighting with young Waylon and I believe he was nine. Yes. Nine years old. No, perhaps 10. Yes, 10, 9, 10 ish. And it was definitely nine years old where we were fighting yet again about his homework. And he was literally sobbing. And this would happen a few times. 'Dad, I just want a hug". And God bless him for, if you're listening to this Waylon and I love you. Probably should have been said your name, but whatever. Um, God bless Waylon for, for hanging in and saying what he needed. Right. And not internalizing. That was not as far as I'm aware, but at least not. If he was not internalizing it more than he was and uh, you know, asking for love. And by the grace of God, I would hear it in those moments. It would be like, "Oh my God, I've lost my mind again over freaking math." Right!
Mischa Z: 03:38 And, and And I have done that before. When I was in my youth, as a teenager, I addicted to alcohol and drugs. The promises of "I'll quit. I'll stop". "This won't happen again," Whatever, you know, behavior that was really wreaking havoc. And then, you know, it, it took a come to a come to Jesus moment, man. Like it took a bottom. To be willing to stare those addictive patterns in the face. And then by the grace of God, be willing to do the work, to make the changes. And so my bottom with my, with the next level of anger with me, so, you know. I stripped away most of the big stuff or so it seemed, and now I'm yet still fighting with Waylon to the point of tears again and again, where I can no longer make, what is it? Faulty promises. I can no longer do that. So how did things change further from there? Well, you know what I did. What I did was I was like, okay, I'm going to go buy a couple of books on anger because clearly I've been in denial about, about this anger not being an issue.
Mischa Z: 05:33 I would really like to learn how to tackle homework with love. And like, if they're not going to get the homework done or comprehend it, why does there have to be tears about it? Why can't you just go straight to hugs and support that way? Why do we have to have the peak chaos moment?
Speaker 2: 05:57 Anyhow, I had said that as a father, I've been very lucky to practice two styles. First was demand, respect, you know, uh, my way or the highway type of a thing under the guise of open-mindedness. Oh my God. I could go so deep. There's so many layers here. Um, are any of you relating, I don't know. Any of you had this experience, um, I think at least some of you will get to some extent what I'm talking about. So, uh, I bought a couple of books on anger. One was like the workout or anger workbook. I wish I could remember what the names of these books were. Um, and I'll go search my bookshelf that I think I donated at one point, cause I was like, yes, I've sorted through those major hiccups. And, um, I can tackle most things with a loving attitude more than ever, which is super cool.
Speaker 2: 07:12 But anyhow, so I started the process on the books. It was the act of buying those books that started, that accelerated the change. And so it wasn't necessarily the books themselves. Like one of them, I gave a cursory glance, the workbook one I started. And I think it started with like write down these, you know, areas where you're angry and perhaps supposedly not. Doesn't matter. I started the word bug, but what it did was it opened my mind to, to, to this thought and going deeper with this thought. Anger is a result of fear. Anger is as a result of fear. So what am I fearful about? And at this point I'm meditating and, uh, you know, I'm willing to contemplate thoughts on a deep level and perhaps write, write about them, I guess, is what I'm trying to say instead of like just others that thought and then turning away from it. So I was like, all right, I need to think on and write on what are my fears that are
Speaker 3: 08:56 That are, that this anger is manifesting out of. What are my fears that this anger is manifesting out of? And that's a great question. So I'm gonna challenge you to do two things before I move on to part six. One is if you are, have situations where you think you're angry, but your intuition is well, uh, okay. Yelling is not cool. Or, or maybe you yell when you think it is cool. Like, what are my fears? What are my fears here? What's the fear, not what am I angry about? Like my kid's not getting his homework done or he's just not doing it. Or she's not seeing things my way. What is the fear? And then two, if you don't have kids or if your kids are out of the house, what are examples in your current life of how that, that are like what I'm describing that I was having with my kids? Like, like what are some behaviors where you and I can be less angry and be more loving? All right. Look for part six. I think it is. Um, thank you for your patience. I'm trying to be of service and trusting that this conversation is of service. All right. Peace out.