Robert and I were having a conversation a few days before… He’d had some stressors in his life. Job change, dad passing, kid issues. Talking about life as A Type’ish dads and then things can go sideways. And I thought we need to record an episode. In part two Robert sheds some emotions and his daughter begins to heal.
Robert and I were having a conversation a few days before… He’d had some stressors in his life. Job change, dad passing, kid issues. Talking about life as A Type’ish dads and then things can go sideways. And I thought we need to record an episode.
In part two Robert sheds some emotions and his daughter begins to heal.
Episode notes:
4 kids 2 shiny 2 troubled. 21, 20, 18, 16. Boy girl boy girl. And I’m gonna say that they are all shiny. I wouldn’t say troubled. I would say “needing a little help on their journey”. Some journeys are a little more traditional from a societal standpoint and some are not.
he did college. Took him to 30 till he graduated. Speaking of his kids brings tears of love to his eyes. He has a really geeky household. All his kids did well in school. All can recite 100 digits of Pie lol. One son get’s his welding cert when he was 14. His daughter who is 16 an incredible student and a gifted artist.
Goal to have all kids be self sufficient… The last two kids just needed a little encouragement in their journey. Which brings up his thoughts of where did he fail, “what did I do wrong.”
As a parents, as a family, they have had this full arc of experience.
Truly accepting what the they want for their path (his kids) and excepting that. So you’re turning 18, I hear you want to drop out… Ok lets do this.
It’s the realization that you don’t have the skills to help your kids anymore (once they hit a certain age). I feel worthless… My son is struggling and my daughter… It’s like… How can I not help them, how can I just not sit down with them now and help them. (The feelings bring robert to some tears). This is where we need other people to come in and we have to trust the professionals. And be a part of it. And recognize we can’t do this alone. “You feel like you’re giving up”.
It’s beautiful looking back to see how great my son is doing and I’m hopeful that will be the same for my daughters journey. She has more good moments now than bad moments…
Our number one job as a parent is to keep our kids safe. I just never thought it would be keeping them safe from themselves.
I lost my dad, I lost my mentor of 15 years, my mom moved away… I literally thought I was gonna loose my shit a couple times… It was great to have a wife who is so strong. And she would just hold me.
Being open and sharing has been really helpful. There are so many parents who are going through similar things. This suicidality is not unique today. Unfortunately it is front and center with a lot of these young kids. We just have to get down to their level and work with them on it.
In any age group she was volunteering… There weren’t any signs of this. We were just shocked. She has always been the most charming person in our household hands down. Outside appearances were she’s just amazing… So when this started to happen… She literally went to the darkest place possible. “I’m just waiting until I get a chance to do this again”. “I know I’m not gonna live older than 18…” To see that then and now in her journey where she’s gots moments she wants to live she wants to go to college. And her dog.
There are times where she still doesn’t want to be here. That’s the part I don’t understand. I’ve got to let go, bring in the right people. It’s a long journey. She’s not broken, there’s nothing to fix. Accept her right where she is for now.
…years ago I would have dismissed it as like just get over it. Let me get a bigger boot and kick you in the ass… etc.
I have a new compassion for other parents. Your mind is cable of directing you in a place that’s really dark…
Inherently we live in a society where we stack things, where we rank things… There is so little in this world that we have any control over. Right now just be present. Each of my children has a different path. At the end of the day every moment is unique.
Email Robert at: robertjohnpeterson@gmail.com
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