I’m walking by a skatepark and a playground when an interaction between a father and his son susses out some old memories and regrets in me… and it’s interesting how I need to attach circumstances to emotions.
I’m walking by a skatepark and a playground when an interaction between a father and his son susses out some old memories and regrets in me… and it’s interesting how I need to attach circumstances to emotions.
Notes:
After many episodes of trying to have a cohesive message… I record one on the fly. Here’s my thought or idea, and it could be insane, i’m definitely not 100% on it, and my opinion of the idea could change.
I’m walking by one of the encinitas skate park and wee tot playground. A dad yells from the skate park to the play ground… Get Johny up here… Mom says, “He doesn’t want to!” Which sparks a memory in me… And reminds me of some of my older selfish behaviors. At any family vacations I would prioritize my own entertainment, which usually manifested in me needing to surf. I was addicted.
So funny the neurosis I was projecting onto the skateboarding dad!
A family outing would be to go to the beach… I would be compulsively pulled to the bigger waves and the outside sets, and I would try to bring my young boys out to the heavy waters. I have lingering regrets in that regard :).
I constantly tried to guide the family movement towards what I wanted under the guise of I do so much for the family. Bottom line, for good or bad, I prioritized surfing over the family. People would say I was a good dad, and I was.
Lauri, my step sister reminds me, “That no matter how much I’ve done, it can feel like you’ve never done enough.”
Your kids will be dragging you out into the bigger waves soon enough. Savor the shallow water with your kids.
It’s interesting how I need to label emotions via circumstances…
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